I feel like this saying defines me- I have to "plan" to be spontaneous.
Is anyone else out there like me? I am not a spontaneous person. I don't like surprises, surprise trips, being surprised with plans, or getting out of my comfort zone. I also get really anxious when I travel. Even this past weekend I was anxious and we were just driving 5 hours away to spend a weekend with girls that I already knew.
I really like to stick to a routine. I don't like traveling for work (even though that's the majority of what I do). Sometimes even dinner plans with friends have to be planned out for a couple of weeks in advance for me to feel "comfortable" with the situation.
How do I stop being like this? I have always felt like I need to be more spontaneous, but every time I try to get out of my comfort zone I get anxious and vow to never do it again.
20 comments:
I'm totally the same way. I get anxious when plans change right before they happen-like switching restaurants or moving an event to another night. I really enjoy anticipating things. Looking forward to upcoming events gives me excitement. When it's last minute, I feel like I miss out on the joy of the anticipation. I've come to accept it and it's made me the default "planner" in our circle of friends-which makes me more comfortable. Luckily my husband is able to talk me into spontaneous day trips and events on occasion!
That's too funny that you posted this today. I have spent my lunch hour putting an excel schedule together to organize our actitvity schedule for our upcoming trip to paris. On Tuesday, I have "scheduled" a block of time to be spontaneous. Kind of an oxymoron, I guess!!
You're not the only one for sure!
I don't know how bad your anxiety is over these kinds of situations, but I know therapy really helped me deal with anxiety issues last year. It definitely helped me find ways to cope when I founds myself in situations that made me anxious. Who knows maybe you'd find it helpful too.
I can totally understand & relate to your feeling about planning. This used to be me, I never wanted to put myself out there or be uncomfortable & as much as I've mellowed out I'm still the same way to an extent. I like to plan, I like to be in control & I like to have things my way.
When I was younger I would really get my feelings hurt because of this. For example in college I never wanted to go on last minute road trips, but then my feeling were hurt that I was never asked. At some point along the way I realized I was the one missing out, not my friends.
As uncomfortable as it is for me to call someone and ask them to do something last minute or jump up & do something when I'm asked, it's usually worth it. If someone comes up w last minute tkts to a game and I say no, they'll just find someone else and I ended up missing out on the fun. I think at some point I just got lonely enough that I realized I had to put myself out there and make some new friends.
Sorry to write a book of a comment, I can just totally relate & wanted you to know you aren't the only one & the more you face your fear the more it will diminish
I am the least spontaneous person I know! I just cant live life by the seat of my pants. I love planning - it is part of enjoying the event!
I'm the same way but with my husband who is very spontaneous I've learned to relax a bit. I remember the line I heard once, "Try it. You might like it."
So I repeat that and go for it. So I hate it, then I don't do it again. But I often have a great time!
I think the key to increasing spontaneity is to increase your overall feeling of preparedness.
Example:
If you feel comfortable with your clothes, and know your wardrobe, packing for a last minute trip is a cinch because you can quickly come up with the perfect outfits in your head - no stress required.
I've had a few spontaneous dinner parties during the past month, usually they aren't my idea - but I always feel prepared because I have lots of serving pieces and quick appetizers in the pantry. And I know that I can toss any clutter in the guest room closet and close the door.
It's kind of odd to think about, but you really have to have control of your things and your life to let go and be spontaneous.
You already seem really put together - you'll get there. :)
i feel your pain! i'm practically developing an ulcer over a conference i have to attend for work in two weeks. there's also a big work event that will take up this upcoming weekend. yesterday, my husband suggested going to the lake with some friends next weekend, and i'm freaking out because that would mean THREE weekends in a row away from home! what about my rigorous sunday cleaning schedule? when will i get my "me time?" when am i supposed to get the fabric for my new living room window treatments? so much to do! i don't want to miss out on a fun opportunity with friends, but i hate living out of suitcases and being thrown off my regular routine. if you come up with a solution to this kind of crazy, please share :)
I totally get what you are saying. This is a struggle for me too. My suggestion is to try once a week or so to do something spontaneous. An activity that you are comfortable but doing it more on a whim. Like arranging to meet someone for cocktails within the hour instead of 2-3 days ahead etc.
Glad I found your blog!
Adrienne at http://www.lavitaebellaamp.com
@AdriennePomeroy
I am the same way, in fact I had to chuckle when I read that quote, becuase it is so true. I love to have a plan for everything (you can never be too prepared, right?)
Girl, I am so with you! I have to have every second and detail planned. I get so overwhelmed with spontaneous plans, unknown details, etc. It drives my husband nuts!
But, I try to be spontaneous about little things and it's good practice. For example, MJB (my husband) woke me up at 6 a.m. last Saturday and said, "let's go get breakfast in our pajamas!" Yes, I was exhausted, had a full day planned, and didn't want breakfast. But, I went. Small, but fun gesture. It's the little things that count and I try! Haha!
I am the sammmmeee way. I just feel more comfortable when I have things planned out!
That word is simply not a part of my vernacular. Sometimes I feel that my two best friends are named Planning and Organization.
I don't know how similar I would classify this, but I am without a doubt an anxious person. If anxiety was cool, I'd be the Victoria Beckham of anxiety. I think the unknown is what scares so many people, because how do we plan for the unplanned? How much happier would we be if we didn't plan, didn't think, but just did?sorest
I am such a type A person. I plan everything on a daily basis. And everything is done ahead of time if not, I can't relax and enjoy the event that is occuring.
dear mrs. megan,
you are not alone. there are lots of gals out there just like you...including me. sighhhh. i wish i were more adventurous. but perhaps, it come with getting older and accepting who we are as individuals. :)
I can totally relate...
IrwinEsq that is a great way to think about it!!
I think most of it is just the anxiety and if I can find a way to take that out of the picture, then the spontaneous things in life come back.
I am hoping that once I move to Oxford and stop having to plan every second of my life in nursing school, getting a job, and wedding planning I can take a deep breath and let my life be less planned and more laid back fun!
Me and spontaneity do not belong in the same sentence.... :(
BTW, where is Shasta? I tried to go to her blog and its gone... so is her twitter. I love reading her blog. I hope its just a fluke.
Shasta made her blog private.
I'm the same way! I menu plan my meals for a week (or two) in advance, I don't like changing plans and I HAVE to know what the plan is. Just ask my fiance- "what are we doing tonight? What time? What do you mean you don't know yet? What did (whoever we are going out with) say? HOW DO THEY NOT KNOW WHAT TIME? fine. ok, what KIND of place?? I need to know what to wear..." and so on it goes. He's very spontaneous so I'm hoping that a lifetime together may force me into it...or give me a breakdown, one of the two!
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